Why Good Girls Like Bad Boys

Asking “why do good girls like bad boys?” is only marginally better than asking “what do women really want?” But as 3 of the 5 girls (all in their 20s) this scribe asked described it, there is a je ne sais quois about Bad Boys. They couldn’t exactly put their finger on the reason, but they admitted that there was a certain magnetism that bad boys had that the merely naughty and the downright good lacked. Further probing then resulted in a memorable discussion of 6 girls sipping drinks and describing why they found bad boys appealing.

The first and most obvious answer is in that old adage about opposites attracting. The ‘good’ girl likes the Bad Boy. How is that even surprising? But it is surprising, because it was unanimously agreed that a relationship with such a guy most often ends in hurt, grief, and a broken heart. As my mother once said, “It’s opposite enough that you are a girl and he is a boy. You needn’t make it worse.” But we do. We always do.

It may be that there is a greater sense of adventure about a relationship with a Bad Boy. The straight and the narrow tend to get boring. So, when a break-the-rules fellow appears on the scene, we women find him irresistible. “He’s willing to take risks,” we tell ourselves, “maybe he’s the one who’ll risk his life for me...” We love the thrill of a guy who lives vicariously. And using him as a launch pad, maybe we could take a few risks ourselves, do something crazy...go skydiving! It’s a thrilling prospect.

And then there is the hope that the Bad Boy will turn good for you. While all the other girls he dated may have been wrong for him, you may be ‘The One’. ‘The One’ for who he’ll quit his Bad Boy ways and become the Responsible Mature Man you always wanted. The Bad Boy also scores high on Machismo. And it is a documented fact that the ‘manly’ man wins over the metrosexual when it comes to women choosing partners. Researchers say that women prefer ‘providers’ or ‘protectors’ as partners; or at least males who seem like they can be providers or protectors. So, the Bad Boy with washboard abs whose primary occupation is to zip around the city on his fast bike seems to be more attractive than the salaried professional with an upcoming paunch.

And let’s face it. The ‘Bad Boy’ makes us seem like a ‘Good Girl’ to ourselves. Insecurity and doubt are the staples of the Information Age relationship scene, and when a Bad Boy shows interest in a girl, she often takes that as affirmation of her being the proverbial Good Girl. So, yeah. Bad Boys make us feel like Good Girls. Plus such bad boys often want to show off and make the girl feel like he’s teaching her how to be ‘cool’, and if we giggle and smile and pretend to be learning our tricks over again, that’s just a small price to pay.

One of the girls came with a more psychoanalytical reason for Good Girls’ preference of Bad Boys. Perhaps the fear of commitment leads women to pick the sort of guys they know they won’t commit to or at least know for sure won’t be asking for a lifetime commitment any time soon. The fable of ‘he will change for me’ is self-inflicted eyewash that many women willingly accept. And it is convenient. “Will I ever find Mr. Right” is a nightmare question, and putting it off may be easier than confronting the truth that you haven’t found one yet. So, if you date a guy you know you won’t be marrying, you’ve left the chance of Mr. Right finding you open and while he’s hunting around for you, you might as well have some fun. Right?

Well, whatever the reason, it seems to be an infallible truth that Good Girls like Bad Boys. Heck, we’re even ready for the heartbreak that eventually follows. There you go. I just classified myself as a Good Girl. Wonder what I’m looking for....

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